#12 - Christmas Memories - The Twelve Photos of Christmas Past

 Trust and Family at Christmas

The Svendsen Family - 2024

People are important.  But not everyone is important to you.  That's because we value relationships and we value trust. It is impossible to have a good relationship with someone if there is no trust.  

If you are the cynical type, trust must be earned.  Once lost, it may never be granted again.  If you are the optimistic sort, you give trust easily, and once lost, it may be regained over time.  Who you trust, and how much, depends on history, genetics, and relationships within the group you hold dear as a whole.  

Christmas is about family and friends, about spending time with loved ones, and building relationships.  As pleasant as that sounds, the fact is there may be people in your circle that you have lost trust in.  You may be able to be around them, for the good of the group, but you extract little pleasure and merely tolerate their presence.

This is where communication comes in.  I will be the first to tell you that it is hard to communicate well with someone whose trust has been lost.  Regaining trust is very difficult, and sometimes only time will heal those wounds.  But I believe that, if both parties are interested in "burying the hatchet", so to speak, it is possible and well worth the effort.

What it comes down to is, "Are you willing to love this person, regardless of a painful history?"  Forgiveness is important, and maybe you have to be the first one to offer peace.  Is it worth it?  I would argue, "Yes."  And maybe it will take more than one attempt.  Trust doesn't have to be a black and white thing - it can be rebuilt in small steps.  

Not all grievances or trust issues can be resolved, but it is worth the effort.  Yes, you've been hurt before, more than once, and possibly by the same person.  Eventually you will have to draw a line.  The good news though is that you are not alone in this.  Others see what is going on and may themselves have a relationship with the adverse party.  People usually work together for the good of the unit, and healing may take place over time and with effort.

Not all situations can be resolved, but intent and communication go a long way to help.  Consider saying this to the other person in the conflict:

"I care about you and I care about our relationship.  I would like to talk about my feelings, your feelings, and the hurting we both may have.  Can we spend some time together and talk about this?  It is important to me.

 Maybe you can do it by yourselves, maybe you need a third neutral party to help.  In really difficult situations, you may even need a relationship counsellor.  But it is worth it.  Especially during Christmas.  And every other day of the year.

Thanks for reading.

Eric Svendsen     www.ericspix.com


Merry Christmas Everyone.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Harjit Bahia - Science teacher and colleague from Garibaldi died August 2, 2024

Image
You will be missed Mr. Bahia.  You made a difference and we are sad you are gone. I keep in loose contact with my fellow retired teachers from Garibaldi Secondary School.  I talked with my long-time friend, Mike Lynch, today, and discovered that Hargit died over the summer.  Unbeknownst to him, he had an underlying heart condition and passed away after working out on his treadmill.  The date was August 2, 2024. I was shocked to hear this.  He was only 49 years old, turning 50 some 3 months later.  It was a shock to everyone, for he was loved by all who knew him.  As a teacher, Mr. Bahia was kind and fun.  He contributed to students in many ways and was always available to help those in need.   For myself, I knew him as a fellow science teacher and taught in the adjoining room to him.  He was always available to help, share ideas, and work together.  Easy to approach, I found that I could talk to him about anything and appreciat...
Read more

I found a black widow spider in a plant pot today

Image
The spider I found is a western black widow spider, one of three species of black widow that occur in North America.  The fact that this one has another red patch on the back of its abdomen above the spinnerettes tells us that it is an immature individual. The one thing that people know about black widow spiders is that they are extremely poisonous.  Their venom is something like 15x more toxic than that of a rattlesnake.  The saving grace is that there is very little venom injected from a black widow bite than what a rattlesnake can deliver.   The good news is that black widow bites seldom lead to death.  You are more likely to suffer nausea, muscle pain, and swelling around the bite.  Symptoms usually last only 12 hours or so.  Death may be a result in people with compromised immune systems or in the very young or the elderly.   In 2018, it was reported that there were 1015 cases of people bitten by black widows.  Of those, there ...
Read more

The passing of a generation

Image
Kathryn's mom and dad with our children, Josh and Leanne. A generation, for North America, tends to be between 20 and 30 years.  During that time a couple will give birth and raise children to see them repeat the pattern as they themselves have done.  Each generation has its own set of standards, values, and ideals based upon their experiences and culture, and some of that is passed down to their offspring.  What changes are the life experiences of the following generation and the new customs and ideals that are blended together as a couple becomes a family. Kathryn's mom passed away a few days ago, she was predeceased by her husband several years ago.  Both of them were the grandparents of my children, the mother and father of my wife, Kathryn.  It was my pleasure to know them and to love them as my own, for to me they were Mom and Dad.  And they were there to welcome my children into the world just as my children were with them in spirit when they left it...
Read more