Working out life's problems.

Kathryn and Eric - together for 35 years.

Whoever said life is easy hasn't been alive for very long.  Yes, although there may be times when everything sails along very nicely, the truth is that hardship is just around the corner, in both directions.

The essence of the problem is that we are imperfect beings and we live in an imperfect world.  Bad things happen, both to us and those we care about.  We make decisions and take actions that others may oppose or be hurt by.  Even when, after much thought and research, we do what we think is best or right, our opinions or behaviours are not approved by those we love.  People get hurt, and sometimes the hurt leads to serious repercussions.  

I can say that Kathryn and I are happily married.  But I can also say that our relationship has gone through difficult moments.  A great deal of the challenges we have faced have come about because of differences in opinion, differences in problem management, and difficulties in effective communication.  Thankfully, we have worked much of it out over the course of our partnership, penance being paid through hurt feelings and uncertainty.

The simple fact is that any two people are going to have conflicts.  Individual wants and needs are the fodder of many battles.  The conflict itself is not the problem though; the issue comes with HOW the war is waged.  

The secret to a healthy, happy relationship with one another is really no secret at all.  It is simply a matter of unconditional love, listening and being heard, and considering the needs of the other (and possibly placing them above your own). To do that effectively, communication is essential.  Considering the needs of one another is important.  Discounting feelings, thoughts, and hopes minimizes others and dismisses them as being of little value.  Love covers a multitude of sins.  And I don't mean sex, I mean really caring about what the other is going through.  Deep, genuine concern; what can I do to show you that I love you?

Talk - share your deepest feelings and concerns.  Listen - really hear what the other is saying.  Care - show your support for each other by meeting their needs.  Cooperate - work together to find a solution that really helps.  Seek assistance - if you can't seem to figure it out together, ask for others to pitch in.  Pray - seek God's purpose in what you are doing (I know - not everyone supports this idea, but it works for us).  Believe - believe that things will work out and strive for that goal.

Communication is a learned behaviour.  None of us are born with the ability and it doesn't improve without constant effort.  Act out of selfish desire, out of hurt, or in a vindictive way, and you will only make things worse.  Love is gentle, kind, sacrificial, humble, good, patient, and supportive.  If your behaviour in your conversations with each other doesn't reflect this, then you are not showing love.

Happiness is not something you can take, it is only something you can give.  Remember that.

Thanks for reading.

Eric Svendsen     www.ericspix.com

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