Survive. An ironic philosophy of Dell.

Dell, Tim, and Peter.  Taken Nov 18, 2007.

Dell had more than his fair share of challenges.  Although he had a "bombastic" personality, he often had to push through low points in his life to find the peace and joy that was otherwise available to him.  One way that he would get through those difficult moments was by being around others he cared about.  Another way was just through sheer will.

He found purpose in achieving goals that many would find difficult.  Although concrete was his life, his passion was being around friends and family.  He was always at his best when combining goals with companionship.  Whether it was in the playing of cards, hiking the Chilcoot, or working a garage pad, he found great joy and purpose when doing it with those he loved.

It was when Dell was alone that his demons haunted him.  He hit a low point after his divorce and found the very act of breathing difficult.  Yet, he was determined to rise above the darkness that plagued his mind.  He got a personal licence plate for his car at the time that read, "SURVIVE."  It reminded him daily of the need to be vigilant in moving forward and not getting stuck in the mire of hopelessness that he felt.  He could do it.

Years later he would face a crisis that would eventually claim his life.  He was broken by the city over the issues discussed in previous blogs (see article).  He made the effort to face each day with the same determination that brought him through so many other challenges.  Yet, with each turn, he was presented with another loss.  It culminated when the city took his right to practice his business away.  For him, it was the last straw.

Sitting alone, in a room above a garage, he found himself in deep despair.  Perhaps it was a moment of weakness, or the perigee of bleak events, that drove him to take his life.  All that he was, all that he had to offer others, and all the joy he could yet experience, was lost in that moment.

I find it sad, and somewhat ironic, that his "survive" mentality didn't carry him through.  Perhaps it made a difference, in the sense that it got him as far as it did, but could not get him beyond the dark wall that was erected in his mind.  What I know is that if he could have reached out to friends, if he could have hung on for that moment to pass, or if he would have accepted the help that had been so often offered him, he would be with us today.  

As someone who has lost neighbours, colleagues, family members, and friends to suicide, I have to say that asking for help is not showing weakness.  Loneliness fosters desperation.  There is no problem so great that you cannot share its burden with those you love.  There is always another choice, always a different path, and always a future where things will not be so bleak.  

Ask for help.  Be with loved ones.  Survive.

Thanks for reading.  In memory of Dell Price.

Eric Svendsen