It's OK to be silly.

My friend, Charles, doing what he does best.
Think about the people you like to hang out with.  Are they serious sorts that have a deep philosophy in life or are they somewhat lite-hearted and even occasionally ostentatious?  Chances are that they are somewhat on the silly side and you feel good when around them.  That association is not a random occurrence; it turns out that silliness is an important part of friendship.

People who know me well will tell you that I like to be silly.  I love puns and finding obscure interactions that pique interest.  Irony has its place too, although I find that the distance between irony and skepticism is short if not kept under leash.  I enjoy well-meant banter, with a bit of a cutting edge, but have to keep a reign on my tongue so as not to inflict injury.  You will not find me behaving this among people I don't know well or when in a professional situation.  First of all, it is prudent, and secondly, I am cautious about opening myself up to others.

In order for me to remove the armor that prevents my silly-self from being exposed, I have to trust people.  Trust is something that is earned; to some extent it has to be proven.  There is not a Likert test or anything so mundane, rather trust is built over time and through interaction.  It takes longer with some, with others it is instantaneous.  It is that feeling you get when you are with someone, that feeling of being safe and that being yourself is OK.

When I am open with others and exhibiting my silly nature without modification, I find that others enjoy being around me too.  I benefit from the relationship because I can be me in all its silliness with a touch of ridiculous thrown in, and others benefit because they enjoy the interaction.  True friendship exists when you can trust others and be yourself.  It is hard to be true friends with someone when you are on guard all the time around them.

Unfortunately, I have been in the situation where someone has had my trust, where I could be silly and not feel threatened, and the trust was destroyed.  Suddenly, what was once held and valuable becomes lost.  It is like a once glowing ember that can light others into revelry is drowned into a cool lump of charcoal.  You can get the flame going again, but it won't be anytime soon and it will take a lot of work.

Without silliness relationships would be dry.  Being silly allows the development of deep bonds, but trust is an essential ingredient of that.  The people you enjoy being around are those that you can trust and be silly around.  Funny how it goes both ways.

Thanks for reading.   www.ericspix.com   Eric Svendsen

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